I'm expecting to be able to open up my classes tomorrow so that I can figure print of things I will need, find out where my classes are etc, so I finished my book today and now I have realized I just HAVE to see the movie, and will go tomorrow.
There is so much that has to be done tomorrow and Sunday though. I have to clean and pack the camper since there will be no time to do that after school starts, grocery shop and prepare things to take with us, iron my clothes and pack them, and get some food in the house for Nathan to eat while we are gone.
Sunday night will be early to bed because the madness begins. This is going to be a slow week though so it will give us time to work out the details of how to adjust our schedule . We'll just have to deal with the fact there might not be extra money this week. Tuition and books killed us this month, but things usually work out somehow so I am going to try to now be too stressed over it. LOL....me, not getting stressed? Hmmm...I'm thinking it's a good plan, but not too realistic.
It's 9:13 on a Friday night and all I can think about is sleep, so I think I'll give into that thought so that when morning arrives I'll be ready to tackle my chores. Gosh, it's a bitch to be responsible. I remember when 9:13 was when we were just starting to crank up... Goodnight blogger world...
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Last books arrived and I've got my car pass
Those were the last things I needed before school starts. I guess Blackboard will open on Saturday and I'll be able to get the syllabus' from all my classes so I can start reading ahead and be ready for Monday. In the meantime I started reading "The Help" which is my last "for fun" book I'll read for awhile. Boy, do my emotions swing from high to low on this one. One minute I'm laughing my butt off as I feel as though I'm eavesdropping on a conversation between Aibeleen and Minny and the next I am fighting mad at Mrs. Leefolt or Hilly. Don saw me wiping tears and he said to me, "It's just a book," but I know better. This may be fiction but it happened to so many and I am so ashamed and sad about that. I grew up in a place where the "N" word is still widely used and I've said it myself...let's not pretend otherwise. I'm 51 years old, raised in the south and so ashamed of that. I can't justify it, but I've also called some illiterate white people "rednecks", been pissed off by Asians who can't drive worth a damn, and shook my head at the kids from the Jersey shore and called them, white trash. Bottom line is there must be something in me that thinks I am smarter or somehow better than other people. I doubt if I'm alone. I'm sure there are those who look at me and think "fatty" or "grandma". Maybe we are all made this way a little. I hope so because then I'll know I'm not alone in my prejudices. I can say, in my defense, that I fight each day to not allow myself to think these things and feel ashamed when I do. Maybe the best we can do is to keep trying.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Volunteer night in the ER
It's nights like tonight that make me wonder how I will handle working for others. Because I've been in business for myself for almost 14 years now, if I make a mistake, it's my mistake. Made one this week and you just deal with it when and if it happens. Thankfully, the mistake wasn't major although it was costly. I showed up to deliver a lunch on Monday that was scheduled for Tuesday. Of course I did a free lunch on Tuesday, but it was my fault, so....just had to do it. The client made me feel good though because she said, "What happened? You never mess up?" Had to burst her bubble and tell her I'm only human. LOL
Tonight, however, it seems that when I finally am able to get my RN license and begin working for someone else, there will be many who love to point the finger at you even when you do nothing wrong. As a volunteer, I help housekeeping when they need it to more quickly turn rooms over in order to get the patients out of the waiting room and into the back to be seen. I got a little surprise tonight when a call came up front to tell us that no one other than housekeeping should be cleaning rooms because one room that was told to be ready to fill had blood on the floor from a prior patient. It has always been my personal policy that if urine, blood or feces are present in a room, I have not been trained to properly dispose of that material and I don't clean those room. I'm not sure if she was covering her ass by using me as a scapegoat or not, but I can tell you this. I never cleaned any rooms where blood was present. I guess CYA is a skill set I am going to have to re-acquire should I ever decide to enter the work force for someone other than myself.
Other that that, the patients were good and the work was plentiful. I didn't know a lot of the staff tonight again, so not as many friendly faces as I would like, but hopefully, one of these days everyone will know me and I'll feel like one of the gang rather than the, "Who the hell is that girl?" girl. From here forward I have no idea what kind of schedule I'll be able to keep because of school. I'll do what I feel comfortable doing and nothing more because my first priority other than my business and husband is school.
Hump day tomorrow!
Tonight, however, it seems that when I finally am able to get my RN license and begin working for someone else, there will be many who love to point the finger at you even when you do nothing wrong. As a volunteer, I help housekeeping when they need it to more quickly turn rooms over in order to get the patients out of the waiting room and into the back to be seen. I got a little surprise tonight when a call came up front to tell us that no one other than housekeeping should be cleaning rooms because one room that was told to be ready to fill had blood on the floor from a prior patient. It has always been my personal policy that if urine, blood or feces are present in a room, I have not been trained to properly dispose of that material and I don't clean those room. I'm not sure if she was covering her ass by using me as a scapegoat or not, but I can tell you this. I never cleaned any rooms where blood was present. I guess CYA is a skill set I am going to have to re-acquire should I ever decide to enter the work force for someone other than myself.
Other that that, the patients were good and the work was plentiful. I didn't know a lot of the staff tonight again, so not as many friendly faces as I would like, but hopefully, one of these days everyone will know me and I'll feel like one of the gang rather than the, "Who the hell is that girl?" girl. From here forward I have no idea what kind of schedule I'll be able to keep because of school. I'll do what I feel comfortable doing and nothing more because my first priority other than my business and husband is school.
Hump day tomorrow!
Monday, August 15, 2011
7 days....
Called my dad today to catch up and let him know that if he doesn't hear from me the way he would hope to, it's just because I'm going to be busy. He likes it best when I initiate contact although I think most people do. It makes us feel more like the ones we are talking to really do want to talk to us. There is nothing worse than calling someone and hearing detachment in their voice. I actually had to have that conversation with him once when he said I never called him. I asked him why I would want to call someone who tuned me out and said, uh, huh strategically while they watched TV. (We don't seem to have that problem anymore...he got caught and he knew it. LOL) I just wanted him to know he wasn't being ignored intentionally so he feeling wouldn't be hurt. I know that sounds strange from my previous post, but as I have grown up I just realize that people have limits as to what they can offer you. Some relationships are worth it, others are not. He's my dad and although he'll never be the "butterfly kisses" dad, he's the one God sent me. He has not always been kind but he has done some incredibly kind things that changed my life in profound ways. It's the only way he knows to show he does care. It's so freeing to grow up and realize that!
So this week will be about winding up all the things I need to get done before the big day. I thought I was going to see "The Help" tonight, but the people I was going with cancelled so I bought the book for less than the cost of a movie ticket. When it comes out on DVD or comes out on HBO, I'll see it then. That's what I am going to do now, so goodbye out there is blogging land ! <3. Thanks for listening.
So this week will be about winding up all the things I need to get done before the big day. I thought I was going to see "The Help" tonight, but the people I was going with cancelled so I bought the book for less than the cost of a movie ticket. When it comes out on DVD or comes out on HBO, I'll see it then. That's what I am going to do now, so goodbye out there is blogging land ! <3. Thanks for listening.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
One week away from start date and scaring myself
Okay, 8 days away from my first day and driving myself crazy. It's been a long journey to get to now, so in order for you to know me, let my tell you my back story.
As a child being raised by a mom who never graduated from high school, education was not one of the priorities of her life. I was born in 1960 and at that time young women were attending high school, but many of my classmates chose to get married right away instead of pursuing a career outside the home. I remember in elementary school doing spelling homework and math and things like that, but for the most part there was no structure in my home with regards to school work. My grades, as a result were not that good. Once I reached high school, it was even worse because it was harder to just listen in school and do alright. You had to study and I never had. To further worsen the situation, I had a father who never failed to let me know I was stupid. In a kids mind when you are told you are stupid, then you are stupid. Why even bother trying if you are stupid, right? So when I got the grades of a stupid person, I wasn't all that surprised by it even though I should have been able to draw a correlation between the "not studying"....."bad grade" thing.
So when it was time to graduate, all I wanted to do was get out of school and find a husband who wouldn't treat me the way my dad did. Well, that didn't go as planned either. Two years later I married someone pretty much like him who, himself, was very smart and seemed to enjoy making me feel bad about myself.
In spite of that, and because I was a hard worker, I found that whenever I put my mind into doing something I would do it very well. Little by little my confidence grew and even though I got nothing at home, I gave what I had to my work and in volunteer positions where I would receive praise. After the birth of my first son in 1981, I began to teach others Lamaze and would go to the hospital and labor with them until their baby was born. This gave me such joy and the doctors and nurses at the hospital would all tell me what a gift I had to work with their patients. They were the first people to tell me I had the heart of a nurse. I felt they were right, but there was one thing standing in my way....school. I was too stupid to be able to get through college, so I couldn't see myself ever achieving that goal.
Fast forward to 1993. The birth of my fourth son as the catalyst that pushed me. Three hours after his seemingly normal birth he was on life support and going down fast! The first two-three weeks of his life were a nightmare no mother should ever have to live through, but as I stayed with him for hours and hours in intensive care, I was told again and again by the staff that I would make an excellent nurse, but put them off because my same fears that had plagued me for years continued to follow and haunt me. It was not until months later when we were asked to appear on the Children's Miracle Network telethon and I was watching the programming that my heart took a turn. They told the story of Joanna, a little girl who had that same look of death about her that my Nathan had, who took my fear away. Joanna was not as lucky as my son...she died. Not because she didn't have parents who loved her and were there for her the way I was for my son, but because she was so sick her body just couldn't take it. There were, however, many babies who never had a mommy by their side to hold them, to touch them, to wash the ultrasound goo out of their hair after a brain scan, to help keep them fighting when their little bodies were tired of fighting any more.
My decision was made that day. My fears meant less to me than all those babies who needed me and I enrolled in community college the next week. Do you know the most amazing thing I learned? I wasn't stupid after all. I had determined that no matter what I had to do, grades were going to be a priority and of course my children as well. My first semester, I got all A's and my confidence began to grow although I had no support system at home and my husband made it as hard as he possibly could on me to succeed. That just made me dig my heels in deeper. I could do this and when I did it was my way out of a horrible marriage because I would be able to support my children.
I hit a detour in January of 1996 when it became obvious that my marriage could not last any longer. School had to go on the back burner. I had children, ages, 14, 11, 6, and 2 who needed the stability of a mom to put their world back together, and I thought I would be able to get back to it quickly but that just didn't happen. I remarried in May of 1998, started a business in September of 1998 and although I knew there was an unfinished chapter in my life, I had to finish the mom thing before I could take on anything else. Two years ago, I knew that my youngest was almost out of high school and it would be a good time to go back. I had to re-take some of my prerequisite classes because of the time that had gone by, but it felt so good to be back.
Fast forward to today. My youngest son graduated in June and now here I am about to embark on something that I am told is very difficult at best. I have a plan though. My plan is to find at least 4 hours a day to study, although some days I will have more time. I still have to run my business, so I will now get up at 4:00am in order to do 2 and 1/2 hours of work before I leave for school. I will go to school from 8:00am- 2:00pm on Mon, Tues and Wed. If I can be home and at my desk by 5:00pm on school days, then I can study until 9:00 pm and then sleep from 9:00pm- 4:00am the next morning. Thursday and Fridays will be normal work days from 7:00am until we are done. I will try to be at my desk on those days by 5pm as well, although I plan to only study on Thursday's until 9:00pm so that I can watch "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice". This will be my treat! Weekends will have more study time in preparation for the week ahead since I will have this time without work. My plan is to try to give myself somewhere between 30-35 hours a week to study and just hope this will be enough.
All these questions rumble through my brain....can I handle this schedule? Can my husband handle the extra load he is going to have to carry with me not being as present as I normally am. (We work together, you see?) Can he handle the extra responsibilities around the house because I won't have the time to pitch in like I normally do? Can we still generate enough income to survive and pay the additional expenses of my schooling? I sure hope the answer to these questions is yes, but I guess one day at a time will be how we will have to play this out. It's only two years with breaks in between and when you are 51, two years is a flash. I dread it and welcome it because I have wanted this for so long. Dear God, don't make me sorry that I got what I prayed for!
As a child being raised by a mom who never graduated from high school, education was not one of the priorities of her life. I was born in 1960 and at that time young women were attending high school, but many of my classmates chose to get married right away instead of pursuing a career outside the home. I remember in elementary school doing spelling homework and math and things like that, but for the most part there was no structure in my home with regards to school work. My grades, as a result were not that good. Once I reached high school, it was even worse because it was harder to just listen in school and do alright. You had to study and I never had. To further worsen the situation, I had a father who never failed to let me know I was stupid. In a kids mind when you are told you are stupid, then you are stupid. Why even bother trying if you are stupid, right? So when I got the grades of a stupid person, I wasn't all that surprised by it even though I should have been able to draw a correlation between the "not studying"....."bad grade" thing.
So when it was time to graduate, all I wanted to do was get out of school and find a husband who wouldn't treat me the way my dad did. Well, that didn't go as planned either. Two years later I married someone pretty much like him who, himself, was very smart and seemed to enjoy making me feel bad about myself.
In spite of that, and because I was a hard worker, I found that whenever I put my mind into doing something I would do it very well. Little by little my confidence grew and even though I got nothing at home, I gave what I had to my work and in volunteer positions where I would receive praise. After the birth of my first son in 1981, I began to teach others Lamaze and would go to the hospital and labor with them until their baby was born. This gave me such joy and the doctors and nurses at the hospital would all tell me what a gift I had to work with their patients. They were the first people to tell me I had the heart of a nurse. I felt they were right, but there was one thing standing in my way....school. I was too stupid to be able to get through college, so I couldn't see myself ever achieving that goal.
Fast forward to 1993. The birth of my fourth son as the catalyst that pushed me. Three hours after his seemingly normal birth he was on life support and going down fast! The first two-three weeks of his life were a nightmare no mother should ever have to live through, but as I stayed with him for hours and hours in intensive care, I was told again and again by the staff that I would make an excellent nurse, but put them off because my same fears that had plagued me for years continued to follow and haunt me. It was not until months later when we were asked to appear on the Children's Miracle Network telethon and I was watching the programming that my heart took a turn. They told the story of Joanna, a little girl who had that same look of death about her that my Nathan had, who took my fear away. Joanna was not as lucky as my son...she died. Not because she didn't have parents who loved her and were there for her the way I was for my son, but because she was so sick her body just couldn't take it. There were, however, many babies who never had a mommy by their side to hold them, to touch them, to wash the ultrasound goo out of their hair after a brain scan, to help keep them fighting when their little bodies were tired of fighting any more.
My decision was made that day. My fears meant less to me than all those babies who needed me and I enrolled in community college the next week. Do you know the most amazing thing I learned? I wasn't stupid after all. I had determined that no matter what I had to do, grades were going to be a priority and of course my children as well. My first semester, I got all A's and my confidence began to grow although I had no support system at home and my husband made it as hard as he possibly could on me to succeed. That just made me dig my heels in deeper. I could do this and when I did it was my way out of a horrible marriage because I would be able to support my children.
I hit a detour in January of 1996 when it became obvious that my marriage could not last any longer. School had to go on the back burner. I had children, ages, 14, 11, 6, and 2 who needed the stability of a mom to put their world back together, and I thought I would be able to get back to it quickly but that just didn't happen. I remarried in May of 1998, started a business in September of 1998 and although I knew there was an unfinished chapter in my life, I had to finish the mom thing before I could take on anything else. Two years ago, I knew that my youngest was almost out of high school and it would be a good time to go back. I had to re-take some of my prerequisite classes because of the time that had gone by, but it felt so good to be back.
Fast forward to today. My youngest son graduated in June and now here I am about to embark on something that I am told is very difficult at best. I have a plan though. My plan is to find at least 4 hours a day to study, although some days I will have more time. I still have to run my business, so I will now get up at 4:00am in order to do 2 and 1/2 hours of work before I leave for school. I will go to school from 8:00am- 2:00pm on Mon, Tues and Wed. If I can be home and at my desk by 5:00pm on school days, then I can study until 9:00 pm and then sleep from 9:00pm- 4:00am the next morning. Thursday and Fridays will be normal work days from 7:00am until we are done. I will try to be at my desk on those days by 5pm as well, although I plan to only study on Thursday's until 9:00pm so that I can watch "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice". This will be my treat! Weekends will have more study time in preparation for the week ahead since I will have this time without work. My plan is to try to give myself somewhere between 30-35 hours a week to study and just hope this will be enough.
All these questions rumble through my brain....can I handle this schedule? Can my husband handle the extra load he is going to have to carry with me not being as present as I normally am. (We work together, you see?) Can he handle the extra responsibilities around the house because I won't have the time to pitch in like I normally do? Can we still generate enough income to survive and pay the additional expenses of my schooling? I sure hope the answer to these questions is yes, but I guess one day at a time will be how we will have to play this out. It's only two years with breaks in between and when you are 51, two years is a flash. I dread it and welcome it because I have wanted this for so long. Dear God, don't make me sorry that I got what I prayed for!
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